so I'm still looking to get into a spa, they are all so elite, whatever, so I went to the new MAC store, they are interviewing me next thursday, since I have make-up art experience and a license, maybe they will hire me, who knows, right now I just want to jump off the roof because I'm broke - but there is the necklace I want to buy for my sister because she is my little sister, and because this necklace belongs on her neck, pretty much these are my thoughts, and I'm so jamming to depeche mode this minute.
I decided to watch a black and white movie alone. I love doing that because I love b/w movies, and it makes me feel like my mother is watching with me. Sometimes I'll even ask her questions. And I wonder if my husband will hear me speaking to myself and wonder why. "mom, who's that actor?" sometimes I look around to see if maybe she decides to answer me. from up there. tell me things about this movie no one else would know. because they aren't movie people like us. a few nights ago I fell asleep. and then the darkness came with the fear that likes to rent space inside my heart, the scared piece of it. the smell of fear in my nose and on my tongue. I woke to the acrid air, my lips mumbling. I know it's that damn couch that likes to give me nightmares. falsely lulling me. black and white movie music. until I feel shaky and sick. but I can't tell won't ever tell what happened in that bad bad dream. those are words I don't dare ...
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