here's us, the dad, the big sister, the little sister, little brother, here is her old room, her purse as she left it, her moisturizer, here is the picture she drew for her grand-daughter, here is the brownie she ate last in my car. I don't want to toss it, I just can't. this is me, can't get out of bed, she cries in the shower, here's my life crumbling, here's the 36-year-old, she can't find a better job, she has put on more weight, she can't forget the last moments with her mom, she can't forget them taking her away, driving her away, lowering her down. here's me in the after with my head hung so low. with my head in my hands. and my heart, not what I thought it was. here's me. after you.