dirt verse

I'm so happy I catalogued each of your looks as they progressed.  I have rested my head in my palm for half hours, just documenting each eyelash, the plump of your cheeks, the sweet slice of chubbiness under your chin.  I've told you how much I love your teeth, and studied strands of hair.  I know the exact brown of your eyes, every little amber fleck, and I love as they grow lighter as you laugh, and dark chocolate when you get frustrated.  how the light in the room looks for you.  and the look in your eye when you're about to jump and make my heart drop out of my own chest.  but it's always too late when I say no.  and you always land.  all of this is called love.  and I want to say thank you for letting me be your auntie.   Love,  nano

I'll work until I'm no longer able walk until I'm no longer able Speak this written language I've come to trust more than memory. keep secrets I've long forgotten, including my own. and mama, I've got so many. make mountains out of mohills, see I already know balance doesn't exist - and how irrational it is to search for it. --I stay up late, later than what you think late is, later than that, motherfucker. next day carry out the impossible, surviving on just caffeine and sugary treats. blame my headache on the drop in barometric pressure I tell people when they ask, I'm delicate like that. except that I'm not. All I really ever aim for is freedom, to be set free. from my first breath, I've only belonged to myself.... until my last, I'll only belong to you.. until then, expect this: snickering toile crying hard misbehaving smoking planning dreaming watching trees missing the ocean misreading gestures, until I...

We plan to leave this house in 7 months or so.  We've been here going on 9 years; this is the longest I've lived anywhere since I was a kid. This little, grey house on the corner, built in 1938, is not without it's  charm...hardwoods, nooks, built-in shelves, scalloped wood detailing, and trees outside that grow lush for summertime. When it's windy and warm, the song of their sway goes deep into your lungs and breaths for you, if you let it. In the Fall, you have all pecans you need for Thanksgiving, all the time giving.  The front door faces north, so when a cold front rolls through, the wind pushes our old door in, and the windchime, typically lazy, becomes frantic and loud.  This is how I know to reach for a warmer jacket.  What she lacks are washer/dryer connections, and I'm officially over the laundromat, truth be told.  She lacks modern heat and air.  The summer is dreadful, but the watermelon you cut up and eat on the front porch is all the...

If you hear music loudly at 930am.  On a Tuesday.   I don't have your schedule.  You see, I don't have your life, I have mine.  I actually have no idea what day this is.  I don't even know if it's day or night because it's been raining and because I stay up until past 2am and because sometimes I don't drink coffee until lunch for the first time that day and because I forgot.  I.forgot.all.of.it.

Four years really? since my last post.  My beloved Dirt Verse, I'm returned to you, lay myself at your feet.  Can't believe, wait I can.  that I neglected and denied myself.  Here is a time where things can and will turn one way or the next, this age, this time.  And like many of my beliefs, I am smack in the middle of packing up and never coming back and planting roots.  Ok here goes:

I decided to watch a black and white movie alone.  I love doing that because I love b/w movies, and it makes me feel like my mother is watching with me.  Sometimes I'll even ask her questions.  And I wonder if my husband will hear me speaking to myself and wonder why.  "mom, who's that actor?" sometimes I look around to see if maybe she decides to answer me.  from up there.  tell me things about this movie no one else would know.  because they aren't movie people like us. a few nights ago I fell asleep. and then the darkness came with the fear that likes to rent space inside my heart, the scared piece of it.  the smell of fear in my nose and on my tongue. I woke to the acrid air, my lips mumbling. I know it's that damn couch that likes to give me nightmares. falsely lulling me. black and white movie music. until I feel shaky and sick. but I can't tell won't ever tell what happened in that bad bad dream. those are words I don't dare ...

if only I knew how to spare you from me how to let you still hang on without stepping in my ashes spinning in my blackness if only I knew how to let you know I love you more than that then I'd be home. still the wind carries me away when I blow back the harder and harder it is to step away.

the floors here are creaky and beautiful and real. trees hug the roof. their branches scratch the night. and as the earth colors orange, I find a newness in the oldness. and a heart that beats better. as it happens, the coffee here tastes just as deep.

I see no point in rules because if you know yourself and have respect for others, you'll just naturally fall into the goodness.

regina spektor - aquarius Dear someone listening in the shadows, I only talk to you sometimes. And though I ask for help in riddles, it is, clearer in my mind, clearer in my mind. Born of a sign that carries vessels, but in a month as cold as ice. I know I question things too quickly, but I have never questioned if I've loved, loved. Dear someone watching from the shadows, I'm clenching water in my fists. The droughts they slip right through my fingers, but there's water on my lips, water on my lips. Born of a sign that carries vessels, but in a month that brings just ice. I know I question things too quickly, but I've never wondered if [ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/aquarius-lyrics-regina-spektor.html ] I've loved loved. Dear someone watching from the shadows, you've seen me lose all the water from my hands. I'm not a skillfull water carrier, but the raindrops keep falling on my head, falling on my head. Born of a sign that carries water, but in a month...

I finally hit the bottom of my heart when my feet touched down I could feel the bone I once picked with everyone I knew and the heart can only take so much fighting.

holds me close, I miss you, but beyond missing, and beyond love nothing I'll ever be able to describe even if I were given every word to choose from and every way to say it and a new language to speak one only you could understand wherever you are love you beyond love it winds out of me and stares me in the eye it's colors unknown unseen not for sale not for me I hate you for that.

what now she asks day with it's blind sunshine outlined in a promise you can't stare directly into so you have to believe have faith or just not look just not walk outside but the birds keep on singing and their wings I can see so now what

I slipped your picture out of my left pocket, where I keep so many things. But today, only your picture, folded, soft. So I stared at it like I normally would, ran my thumb over your face, kissed your feet. Then. I looked again and saw how your face was turned, sadness filled me, shock and denial. Because I knew then what was happening. Your hands usually in their prayer position, now closed, the clouded halo you don, now only gray smoke, the cloak usually teal and gold, now just dim-lit cloth. That's when I knew. My heart would break later. The heart no one can save.

the guy at the bike shop said, go ahead, see if its' gonna work for ya. It is a single-speed cruiser, white walls, generous in the handle bars, and a bitch to get in my Honda. I looked straight ahead and pushed off like I was 7 again. All I can say is it was true love as I made circles in the parking lot and sped down the sidewalk, my long ringlets behind me like spiral cheerleaders. My heart alive, my heart was alive I tell you, and did I mention, it's turquoise. My thanks goes out to Tammy, she inspires me, and she made this beautiful day on my new bike possible, gracias my sistah!

I have partially borrowed the title from the recent film, "The Pursuit of Happyness", I really loved the narration style, and how the film would stop when he'd describe parts of his life, such as: this is the part I call "running". Plus, the film and true story took place in lovely San Francisco, and that is where my husband and I were for 5 days and 4 nights. So. . . . .this is the part I call, getting off the plane, and how the F to we get to the city? A minor, but essential detail I failed to plan or even think of when booking the trip. Planning, something I just skipped so in turn, we were a little confused, a little lost, and because of it, it turned out our room was communal living. That is the part I will call, are you f''n serious? We were tired, we were hungry, and we'd been on 3-hr flight, and a quite speedy train for about 45 minutes, and the room which appeared modern spacious online, turned out to be a box, probably 10x12 feet if that. T...

yesterday on my way home, Trinity Blvd, on my right a bustling 7/11, the sidewalk in front makes for a nice broad outdoor experience, a biker and walker will fit nicely, yesterday however, a woman fully naked in the bright of nearly 6pm, summer swallowing, she was walking in what I thought at first was a brown bikini, I thought how cool, a proud and chunky Black woman is out sunning her body, but upon closer look, she was very nude, and was tearing chunks of hair out of her head and tossing it. my first impression was to think I should pull over and drape my jacket on her. I keep it in my car if I happen to go to a cold movie theatre. but then I saw a police car take a turn toward her, and I was relieved I didn't have to stop, as rude as that sounds. I'm sort of germaphobe . and I mean what the fuck right. about a month ago I saw something that I wrote off as random life stuff, so I put it away with the other facts in life, I was on my way to work and on the right of my c...

the ozzy sunshine, this means, I was listening to Ozzy Osbourne for no good reason, the Blizzard of Oz, 1981. so I'm letting the sun shine on my morning cave, and I am using his lyrics as the inspiration for my day, song "I don't know". "Nobody ever told me, I found out for myself, you gotta believe in foolish miracles." -ozzy

looking for my glasses still on my nose looking for the dirt as I shake it loose, staring as it becomes my noose I'm dropping a hint, I won't bend down to get it because my eyes are un -used and used to it.

this is my new, not new, and not original comment of the moment, in which I am finding that I am way more normal than I thought I was. so the only way I can retaliate this mediocrity is to drop the F bomb on this here world. plus I'm just mean.